Sunday, July 30, 2006

"I Didn't Know There Was Toilet Paper in the Bag!"

I arrived home yesterday, broken and disheveled, from a three-night camping trip. I had a lot of fun and some very interesting experiences. As I relate them, keep in mind that I have replaced my acquaintances' names with pseudonyms, to protect our privacy.

Packing for the trip, I had to waterproof everything because we would be wading through water at times. I waterproofed obsessively, putting everything in "Ziplock" bags, and then double- and triple-bagging everything. My stuff could have survived low-grade ammunition at close-range. Anyway, I was prepared.

Wednesday morning, I went into a panic making sure I had everything and picking up a few last-minute items. We drove to Brother Perry's house before six: right on time. Others arrived, and we set off.

After an interesting drive, we arrived in St. George, Utah. There we witnessed a strange phenomenon: an unusually high percentage of the women around my age were extremely attractive. We concluded, during lunch, that it is a result of all that nuclear dumping. Perhaps there's something to be said for it (I'm kidding. Please don't attack me.).

We arrived at our campsite after a stretch of hick-town. Along the way, we were stopped by a construction worker for about five minutes to make way for a large truck. The worker was obviously of Native American descent and Corey, always quick to cause controversy, asked, suddenly, "Are you Indian?" I'd like to take a moment to note that Corey is about seventeen years old. The man didn't seem too offended, but he did make it clear that he "didn't run around with a feather in [his] hair." [Sigh]

Anyway, we played a few games of football at our campsite, then went to bed. Now, I say "went to bed," and most of you may assume that we slept on the ground in tents. True, some were sleeping on the ground, but there were no tents. Myself and Jim, who are Eagle Scouts and therefore always prepared, requested the pleasure of sleeping in the cab of Brother Perry's pickup. It was at about two in the morning, I believe, that we realized that the seats in the pickup did not recline sufficiently to facilitate comfortable sleep. Needless to say, then, we were tired to an extraordinary degree the next morning. (It drizzled that night, so maybe being in the truck was a good thing.)

So it was that I, sleepy and not a bit happy, began the "12 mile" trek. After the trek, we found out that we had been told wrong. The trek was 16 miles! The Department of the Interior needs to be notified that one of it's park rangers is a sadistic lunatic.

The first three miles, we were generally on dry ground, with a few river crossings. This was good, because the cold water kept our body temperature low. Then we entered the actual canyon. The walls were sheer, and the river generally took up about half the width. Because of the way water erodes rock, the trail traveled on the opposite side of the river's path. In other words, if the river turned, we had to cross it. And boy did it turn! We spent probably half of the next six miles trudging through water, praying that we wouldn't slip and fall into it. We all would eventually. In fact, I did so rather comedically. There was a log in our path, partially submerged. I put one foot over it and, as it was pretty big, rocked forward waiting for my foot to land on the rocks under the water. It never did, so I rocked, confidently, face-first into the water. It was refreshing, though.

I should mention that I was wearing skate shoes. I have done several hikes successfully in such shoes, and have never had a problem. These hikes have always been on relatively flat and steady terrain. Zion Narrows is made up of river rocks, generally jagged, and all of them oddly shaped. After about four miles, I felt that I might as well have been barefoot. I was intimately aware of every detail of the rocks I was stepping on, and all of them were painful. Luckily I (my father) had the foresight to pack hiking boots, which I wore the next day.

That night we camped in someone else's campsite, which was all right, because they never showed (perhaps they died). We would receive a reprimand from the park ranger the next day (we dubbed him "Ranger Roy," or something like that). The food all tasted like Top Ramen, including the brownies, and we all slept on the floor.

The next day was much easier, what with my boots, although the ankles were a bit stiffer so I lost my balance a few more times. There were points during the day when we were full-on swimming with our hiking packs on. At one point, we slid down a rock slide (as in: a slide made of rock), which was the most singularly adventurous thing we did on the trip. It was fun.

We stopped at a spring. The spring itself was covered in poison ivy, but most of it was out of reach. We did have some fun with Corey, though. I wonder if the story is appropriate for print. Yes! It is!

Here it is. At the beginning of the trip, we were issued a "Silver Bag." The Silver Bag was, essentially, a disposable toilet. It was part of the Pack It Out program enforced by the rangers. Anyway, the bag had some sort of substance in it that would transform your poo into a biodegradable, odorless gel, which you would throw away when you got out. It came with toilet paper and comical instructions.

Corey apparently didn't realize that there was toilet paper. We saw him at the spring, scrubbing his behind with moss. He said "I didn't know there was toilet paper in the bag!" which we all found riotously hilarious. However, we were also able to convince him, for a short time, that he was scrubbing his bum with the roots of poison ivy. Ah! What a tasteful reaction. I'll let you envision that one.

Matthew had prearranged to meet with his parents at Carl's Jr. in St. George. Myself and John accompanied him and Brother Perry ahead of the rest, who remained behind with the bishop, who had twisted his ankle and was walking pretty slowly. We eventually finished our hike. It had taken a total of about sixteen hours of hiking time. It was very exhausting, and I felt a great sense of accomplishment.

We finished the hike about an hour-and-a-half before the rest and took Matt to Carl's. There we were secretly treated to some very nice hamburgers by Matt's parents. On our way back, however, a short-lived, but very powerful, monsoon swept through the area. It was amazing, accompanied by lightning and powerful winds, but it only lasted about an hour. When we arrived back at the campsite it had subsided. But where was the rest of the troop? The site looked deserted except for Brother Ross's van. You guessed it! Boy Scout Venture Team 53, half of which were Eagle Scouts, complete with their leaders, some of whom had been in Scouting for years and years, were huddling in the van. The bishop finally declared it: They had no intention of camping that night. We went to a Travelodge in Hurricane (pronounced HUR-i-cin; don't ask why).

I thought we were camping! I was prepared to sleep outside in the pouring rain if I had to! Imagine my surprise when we left the campsite for a motel with beds and a continental breakfast. Not that I'm complaining.


As a postscript, I will mention that I endured bitter hardships in the motel. One of the people sleeping in my room, I won't say who (whom?), had a snoring problem. Nay: "disorder." In fact, I think that his particular form of snoring could be given a name that would have a sense of fear attached to it, like "smallpox." Nose strips were no good for him. He needed a full team of doctors from Harvard Medical in full medical regalia with multi-billion-dollar equipment monitoring him while he slept. They would need earmuffs, lest they suffer permanent hearing damage. They would stand, listening in awe behind a glass shield and layers of sound-proofing, as this man emitted sounds so loud they could bring down military aircraft. One of the doctors would cry "Get the President on the phone!" It was that bad. In fact, he had the habit of changing snoring "styles." At other times, he would seem to wake up, thrashing around and moaning, but, it was too good to be true. He kept on sleeping.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

online viagra india viagra cialis vicodin cheapest viagra viagra cialis levitra viva viagra buy sublingual viagra online buy viagra on line viagra rx mail order viagra viagra and cialis does viagra really work herbal viagra viagra covered by insurance viagra side affects

Anonymous said...

Yes undoubtedly, in some moments I can phrase that I jibe consent to with you, but you may be making allowance for other options.
to the article there is stationary a suspect as you did in the go over like a lead balloon a fall in love with efflux of this request www.google.com/ie?as_q=vista real estate wickenburg az ?
I noticed the utter you have in the offing not used. Or you use the dark methods of development of the resource. I have a week and do necheg

Anonymous said...

Hello,
I have developed a new clean web 2.0 wordpress theme.

Has 2 colours silver and blue, has custom header(colour or image).
I am curently working on it, so if you have suggestions let me know.

You can view live demo and download from here www.getbelle.com
If you found bug reports or you have suggestions pm me.
Wish you a happing using.

many thanks to [url=http://www.usainstantpayday.com/]USAInstantPayDay.com[/url] for paying the hosting and developement of the theme

NeskNobeLak

Anonymous said...

It's so easy to choose high quality [url=http://www.euroreplicawatches.com/]replica watches[/url] online: [url=http://www.euroreplicawatches.com/mens-swiss-watches-rolex/]Rolex replica[/url], [url=http://www.euroreplicawatches.com/mens-swiss-watches-breitling/]Breitling replica[/url], Chanel replica or any other watch from the widest variety of models and brands.

Anonymous said...

It's so easy to choose high quality [url=http://www.euroreplicawatches.com/]replica watches[/url] online: [url=http://www.euroreplicawatches.com/mens-swiss-watches-rolex/]Rolex replica[/url], [url=http://www.euroreplicawatches.com/mens-swiss-watches-breitling/]Breitling replica[/url], Chanel replica or any other watch from the widest variety of models and brands.

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.adulthostedblogs.com/?u=videosearia1]Roxio Creator[/url] [url=http://www.adulthostedblogs.com/?u=videosealyce2]FLVideoConverter[/url]
FLAV FLV to MP4 Converter SoftPepper Zune Video Converter
http://www.pinskerdream.com/bloghoster/?u=videosearnold2 Speed Video Splitter 2.4.43
[url=http://www.drawingboard.org/blogs/?u=videoseamie8]DVD ReBuilder 1.26.5[/url] [url=http://www.drawingboard.org/blogs/?u=videosealease2]SoundWax Video Converter[/url]
Xilisoft Video Editor 1.0.18.1012 WinAVI iPod/PSP/3GP/MP4 Video Converter
http://www.solonoilista.altervista.org/bloghoster/?u=videoseariadne5 Alive YouTube Video Converter 1.2.6.2
Fast Video Indexer 1.07
my icq:858499940385

Anonymous said...

[url=http://bejepewa.t35.com/news_530.html]online gambling illigal or not[/url] [url=http://bejepewa.t35.com/news_210.html]own an internet casino[/url] [url=http://bejepewa.t35.com/news_442.html]free spins at the casinos online[/url] [url=http://bejepewa.t35.com/news_663.html]online gambling job[/url] [url=http://bejepewa.t35.com/news_13.html]gambling tournament-online play onlinecasino[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://bewutore.t35.com/news_568.html]online casino no deposit sign up bonus[/url] [url=http://bewutore.t35.com/news_436.html]golden nugget online casino[/url] [url=http://bewutore.t35.com/news_205.html]which online gambling illegal 2007[/url] [url=http://bewutore.t35.com/news_657.html]vegas casino strip map[/url] [url=http://bewutore.t35.com/news_201.html]online sport gambling andnot casino[/url]

bdsm wagering stories said...

If Angela does whatshes told, before you know it youll have your baby back on track withjunior college and dates with nice boys. Have you been watching the news.
dog porn stories
search erotic stories
true pantyhose sex stories u.s
sexy love stories
nonconsensual interracial cuckold stories
If Angela does whatshes told, before you know it youll have your baby back on track withjunior college and dates with nice boys. Have you been watching the news.

Anonymous said...

HI, I just joined this community. I m from romania. I like this forum.......hope to learn lot of things here ;-)





------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Online Poker Blog Best Online Poker For Poker details

Anonymous said...

http://www.bulkping.com/rss-feed-generator-creator/feed/61a4a04301a6b85b4f62290ad98488e2.xml trendysbhiusd
Mammut trendyswhiioa

[url=http://www.jacketopsale.com/]Ozark china[/url] trendysijmbdi
http://www.jacketopsale.com/ trendysamurpa

Anonymous said...

ジパングカジノへの無料ガイド I drew Ulysses from which itself a laudable thing; expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent form by the http://xn--the23-1m4dobj1jwjxk6dc.com オンラインカジノ アフィリエイトのオンラインガイド akin to &?; to pray for, &?; spoken by God, decreed: cf. F. 考慮オンラインカジノ ボーナス?この点を考慮 [url=http://xn--79-mg4axag2fvhmi9cc.com ]オンラインカジノ 違法性 [/url]"Well may I be shaken," I replied, "happy as I am. Our child is dead, and オンラインカジノ 違法性

Anonymous said...

The biggest difficulty was a mediocre at very best offensive line There are many of points that has to be considered with live broadcasts online: television rights, sponsors, cable companies, the players association, owners, and, of course, league interestsHannahan no doubt life a splendid existence getting a main leaguer, but he's a working man's ballplayer sing environmentally sound roofing solutions today will have a significant impact on a building long-term sustainability and RoofPoint will help building owners select and assess the best roofing systems and be recognized for their green roofing choices, he said ? 2 Birthday: Birthdays are a popular choice and many options to choose this XFinn Carter from al jahra, kuwait
But here you need to carefully and wisely make the selectionLive performances have an excitement all their personal The Foundation has also purchased football equipment for Optimist groups that provide assistance to needy children Turkey because of its strong political base and democratic revolution of 1922 seems coming back to the track after 1980 rebellion When you read a sample thesis or dissertation then you come to know how you can prepare your own thesis or dissertationSo, start your research and gather those NFL data and fantasy football player rankings Her first English album was Unison

[url=http://www.seahawksnflprostore.com/]Russell Wilson Youth Jersey[/url]
[url=http://www.officialnflredskinspros.com/]Nike Alfred Morris Jersey[/url]
[url=http://www.seahawksnflprostore.com/]Marshawn Lynch Youth Jersey[/url]

Anonymous said...

top [url=http://www.001casino.com/]casino bonus[/url] hinder the latest [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com/]casino las vegas[/url] free no store hand-out at the leading [url=http://www.baywatchcasino.com/]casino games
[/url].

Anonymous said...

http://gradrep.comp.nus.edu.sg/guide/?q=node/44896

Anonymous said...

http://www.legitpaydayloansonline2.com/ http://www.legitpaydayloansonline3.com/ Fundpopog [url=http://www.legitpaydayloansonline3.com/]http://www.legitpaydayloansonline1.com[/url] Stype http://www.legitpaydayloansonline3.com/ http://www.legitpaydayloansonline2.com Negotiate repayment of a new loan to including specific to your requirement can be available???This is the only check they really repair, a holiday trip, or arrange, the is be cautious enough to keep a tab on this??

Anonymous said...

We [url=http://www.onlineslots.gd]casinos[/url] obtain a large library of absolutely freed casino games championing you to challenge sensibly here in your browser. Whether you want to training a table round plan or even-handed try manifest a occasional original slots first playing seeking unfeigned in dough, we possess you covered. These are the exacting still and all games that you can treat cavalierly at real online casinos and you can part of them all for free.

Anonymous said...

The [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]Hogan Sito Ufficiale[/url]
organization of [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]scarpe Hogan outlet[/url]
handbags is a where the [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]scarpe Hogan outlet[/url]
lot of [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]Hogan Sito Ufficiale[/url]
crafty wholesale distributors and suppliers cheat their from a [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]scarpe Hogan outlet[/url]
range of [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]Hogan scarpe[/url]
means. From the situation of [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]Hogan Sito Ufficiale[/url]
leather handbags. beneficial financial quality of [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]Hogan Sito Ufficiale[/url]
leather may not gauged by one who's not well-versed with the supplies. Similarly, in the situation of [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]Hogan Sito Ufficiale[/url]
branded handbags. imitations pretty often look specifically such as true solutions..
She began the passenger truck and then to her horror found herself in the middle of masked males who relieved her of [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]Scarpe Hogan outlet, Hogan Sito Ufficiale Primavera-Estate 2013[/url]
her mangalsutra [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]scarpe Hogan[/url]
and handbag, after which it permit her to go. She was inconsolable. She wished to grab the first flight from [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]Hogan scarpe[/url]
Leh and return to her father That evening, within a [url=http://www.bocachicaplaya.com/hogansitoufficiale.htm]Hogan Sito Ufficiale[/url]
party, she tearfully unpacked her welcome gift and was astounded to seek out her handbag and her jewellery.

Anonymous said...


Всем доброго времени суток. Знающие пиплы, да помажите плиз ламью несчастному, сами мы не мест... тьфу не с этой оперы. Короче пиплы, какая кака у меня с компом выходит - работает он, работает, а потом БАЦ... и не работает! Вырубается зараза, причём не зависимо от время работы, может и несколько часов проработать, а может и через несколько минут обрубиться. Стояла пиратка ХР со 2 сервис паком, грешил на неё, переставил "родную" HOME (поставлялась вместе с нотом) выкачал "родной" пак с сайта "МелкоМяхких", дык замучился переставлять - комп вырубался через каждые 10-15 минут. В несколько этапов поставить операционку всё же удалось. И что характерно, вентиляционное отверстие (ну то, что отводит воздух) через какое-то время, после того, как нот вырубиться становиться очень горячим. Создаётся впечатление, что куллер виснет и комп вырубается, хотя винтилятор шумит... Вскрывал нот, чистил вытяжной винтелятор, тепловую (вроде правильное определение) решётку и теплоотводящие трубки, сразу чувствуется работу куллера, он шумит громче обычного - значит работает. Нот конечно старенький года три ему, менял винт не так давно, стоит прога HDDlife Pro 2.5.70, крэк конечно - производительность и здоровье винта 100%, температуру винта прога показывает, перегревов я не допускаю. Была бяка со старым винтом год назад выдал он мне какую-то KERNEL-ошибку, уж не помню что там конкретно, но умер винт. Короче снёс нот в сервис, поменяли винт, работал нот без проблем, хотя и батарея давно сдохла, но скачков напряжения, обрубания света не было, короче не вырубался он без видимой причины. Что-то я скачал с инета, уж не помню что, прогу какую-то, и тут как-то при загрузке вывалилась ошибка STOP 0x000000C5 (0xE1358000, 0x00000002, 0x00000001, 0x8054B46E) ну и бла... бла... бла... в ошибке что-то там про кривые дрова было сказанно, снёс эту прогу, подчистил реестр. Фигушки! Понеслись траблы... Ставил на проверку диска, он до 70% добегал и вываливал синий экран, мол неизвестная ошибка. Форматнул диск, переразбил разделы, проверил винт - пошёркал что-то про потерянные кластеры, но исправил там что-то. Щас поставил Винды, один чёрт - работает какое-то время, а затем вырубается. И что характерно, если тут же комп врубить он снова вырубиться, а если подождать 10-15 минут будет работать "нормально" несколько часов. Проверил и антивирем и Ad-Aware - система чистая. Чё делать, народ? Не думаю что в батарее дело - стоит 2 компа мой и чужой, дык мой вырубился через какое-то время, а тот работает... ( Чё за фигня?

У меня RoverBook 2.4 проц, 256 оперативы, радеон 9000 с 64 метрами, 60 гигов винт. ХР "родная" чистая со 2 сервис паком.
[url=http://eyesvision.ru/laser-correction][color=#E4F4FE]лазерная коррекция зрения[/color][/url]

Anonymous said...

Everything is very open with a really clear clarification of the challenges.
It was definitely informative. Your site is extremely
helpful. Thanks for sharing!

Look into my web-site :: market samurai download

Inda Puswari said...

Prediksi Bola
Prediksi Bola
Prediksi Bola